Emberwilde's Dreaming

Behind as always

2010-07-20T00:21:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of captions of updates of any sort. Life hasn't really let me be in a creative mood the last few weeks, what with worries about money and and other personal matters. I had hoped moving would have made my life a bit easier but really all it did was give me a new set of complications and troubles to deal with that really aren't making anything any easier.

As such I've just felt kind of drained and not up to writing. It is just hard sometimes because I feel like I want to express myself and my thoughts and just nothing happens. Like turning on a faucet with no water running to it. It isn't really writer's block but something like it I guess. I have plenty of ideas, stories, so forth, just no motivation to actually do anything with them.

Anyway just thought I should let everyone know what's up and that I'll try to clear my head soon and put something else up here even if it is just my rambling about my feelings and my life for a bit until I feel like doing more.

Playing With Dolls

2010-06-30T14:51:00.001-04:00

The Other Half

2010-06-28T14:18:00.003-04:00

Best Friends

2010-06-25T11:29:00.000-04:00

Vivid Dreams

2010-06-23T01:27:00.000-04:00

The Fire Within

2010-06-21T11:21:00.001-04:00

The Goddess

2010-06-18T05:31:00.002-04:00

Never Gamble with the Fae

2010-06-16T15:09:00.001-04:00

Worth It

2010-06-14T14:00:00.002-04:00

Kybele Collection: The Girdle

2010-06-13T01:12:00.003-04:00

With Great Power Comes Great Fuckability

2010-06-13T00:38:00.004-04:00

One Man's Blessing

2010-06-13T00:37:00.000-04:00

Gender Map

2010-06-05T14:30:00.000-04:00

Stumbled across this and had to share it with others who might appreciate it.

Gender Map by Dmarling.

Adjusting

2010-05-10T00:17:00.000-04:00

Just letting everyone who might be curious know that I got moved in successfully about a week ago and that I've been taking this week to sort out some work matters, unpack my things, and generally get settled in to my new place.

It is an odd adjustment living in a big city after spending my whole life living in a very small town where everyone knows one another. Here I feel more anonymous and not as self-conscious which is nice but kind of weird getting use to.

Hopefully that will make it easier for me to be open about who I am and not have to worry as much about the reactions I'll get and all that nonsense. I know that shouldn't bother me but it always has on some level. At least here I don't have to worry about the being out en femme and running into someone I know from childhood, high school, or worse of all a family member. Here no one really knows me and thus wouldn't care.

Now I guess it is all a matter of making myself comfortable with me and being me. That bit is tougher, but I'm working on it.

Enough about me. I go on about myself and my issues too much, or so I worry. I'll hopefully be back in the swing of thing by the end of this week which means new captions and less of my emo-ramblings.

Boxes boxes everywhere...

2010-04-21T11:23:00.000-04:00

...and not a one of them full of spare time, sadly.

As some of you may recall I'm moving to Atlanta at the end of the month and between work and preparing to move my free time has all but vanished. That's why I haven't done much captioning of late Hopefully once I get moved and settled in at my new place I'll be able to get things back to normal around here.

While I'm very excited about the move it also has me pretty nervous.

Reasons to be excited: living somewhere new, living just a few miles from my girlfriend, getting away from the baggage I have of still living in the town I was born in, making new friends, being able to live more openly as a transsexual.

Reasons to be nervous: money still being tight, living in a big city when I've lived in a very small town my whole life, opening up to new people about my gender-identity issues.

Part of me really wants to make this a chance for fresh start in my real life. A chance to come out about who and what I am and be able to dress as the woman I am if I want. Where I currently live, a small super-religious town in the South, doing so is far more difficult. I've had to be very careful about going out en femme because it is one of those towns where everyone knows everyone else and given that my very close-minded family lives here I didn't want it getting back to them and making my life more difficult.

Being in much larger city where I can put many of those concerns behind me is very liberating but intimidating as well. Given the choice to dress and act the way I want, will I do so or will I continue to hide? It makes me wonder why I've not pushed myself to move sooner, why I let myself hide rather than just being me and saying to hell with anyone who can't accept that, etc.

Not really what I want on my mind while a thousand other things are racing through there in a desperate attempt to get everything in order to be moved in just over a week. I'm sure I'll sort through it all and I think, given the positive encouragement I get here (thankyousomuch!) and from those closest to me in real life I'm sure I'll come out of the shell I'm still half curled up inside and my life will be all the better for it.

For now though back to frantic packing and making it through the next few days.

Playing With Power

2010-04-16T01:14:00.003-04:00

Trying hard to believe this

2010-03-30T23:39:00.000-04:00

Having a hard week and most of that is because my mind just wants to throw all my issues with my body and my gender in my face when I catch myself in the mirror, or doing femme things in public, and so forth.

I just wish it could be easier. That I didn't feel like who I am isn't who I want to be.

Late Night Call

2010-03-25T11:57:00.000-04:00

Kybele Collection: Mr. Hoppy

2010-03-24T10:00:00.001-04:00

Ample Distractions

2010-03-22T10:00:00.002-04:00

Made For Me

2010-03-20T14:48:00.000-04:00

People I Adore: Chloe Vevrier

2010-03-20T13:50:00.001-04:00

When I think voluptuous and sensual there is one name that always pops into my head: Chloe Vevrier. She is absolutely gorgeous to me and when I think about the kind of body I wish I had it hers is what I want to see. In my dreams and fantasies I've been her many times and every second of it was heavenly. Her ample breasts, her sexy curves, that is what I want. If I had one wish right now it would be to have a body like hers and that is why I adore her.

Worth a Thousand Words: Silhouette

2010-03-19T20:20:00.000-04:00

This is the kind of body I want. A body that just screams "womanly." The very essence of her curves, her shape, immediately lets you know
how beautiful and powerful she truly is without needing to see any
more.

To have that is something I crave desperately. To look into a mirror and see the shape of me and know I am what I want to be.

Image found via thislifeofhers.

Things I Adore: Shaved Legs

2010-03-19T19:39:00.001-04:00

I love, love, love the feel of having freshly shaved legs.

I took the time to do mine for the first time in a while today and it just feels so sexy and feminine to have smooth, silky legs even if I know it won't last too terribly long.

What I'd give to have no pesky body hair to deal with; to be hairless and smooth all the time. It is something I'd give practically anything for.

Hot Oil

2010-03-19T10:00:00.001-04:00

A Change of Luck

2010-03-17T10:00:00.002-04:00

That Sweet Smell

2010-03-15T14:32:00.002-04:00

The Elder's Thrall

2010-03-15T11:50:00.001-04:00

The Bidding Process

2010-03-13T18:43:00.001-05:00

An Endless High

2010-03-13T18:12:00.002-05:00

Making up for last month

2010-03-13T17:46:00.000-05:00

So hopefully the flood of posts today kind of makes up for my not posting any captions for over a month. ;)

As I was working on these today I thought it might be a good idea for me to set a goal to try and do at least one caption a week. I think sticking to that wouldn't be hard and would help remind me to update this site more often. Just something I'm kicking around and will likely try to make myself do.

By the way, if you like the captions I'm doing people leave some comments! I love getting comments and feedback and seeing what people have to say about my captions. It lets me know that people enjoy them and what kind of stuff they enjoy that way I can do more captions in that style.

Hold Me

2010-03-13T17:03:00.001-05:00

Kybele Collection: Vali's Knocker

2010-03-13T16:41:00.003-05:00

Behind Those Eyes

2010-03-13T16:21:00.002-05:00

The Kybele Collection: The Bathory

2010-03-13T16:20:00.003-05:00

Unfortunate Realization

2010-03-13T16:16:00.001-05:00

A Hazardous Waste

2010-03-13T16:14:00.003-05:00

Lost in Reflection

2010-03-13T16:13:00.000-05:00

People I Adore: Ella

2010-03-10T01:33:00.004-05:00

I'm utterly mad for everything in this video.

It has one of my absolute favorite songs ever ('Born a Girl' by the Manic Street Preachers), it has an Alice in Wonderland-style dress (Pretty!), and it has EllaUK in it who is completely gorgeous. I mean honestly, I would kill to look half as good as she does. I don't think I've ever looked so lovely en femme despite always wishing I could.

I swear I pretty much fell in love with Ella when I saw this video for the first time. If you don't know her, take a moment to check out her blog. She's an awesome girl and I *heart* her. Much love for Ella. :)

I didn't vanish forever! Honest!

2010-03-10T01:20:00.006-05:00

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't posted anything new in a few weeks but it has been a crazy month or so. Work was getting scarcer, money was getting tight, I went through a bad Valentines, a really bad twenty-*coughcough*-th birthday, started getting really depressed, and then found out I may be forced to move soon. Just seemed like it was one thing after another. Meh!

Things are finally getting semi-stable again (for the most part) and I feel a bit better lately than I have. No worries I'll get it all sorted out. My life tends to be a complete whirlwind lately and I'm getting use to riding it out.

I feel so bad that I got this far behind but I promise I'll try to start making it up this week as I should have a bit of free time to work on some new captions. I also just want to post here more regularly in general to vent a lot of things that go through my mind. Such as seriously considering HRT and living more openly as the woman I am inside.

Anyway, my apologizes to any fans of my work. I promise I won't up and vanish again seemingly forever (I totally swear!). I know it seems silly but I worry people write me off because of it, not that I think most people even remember that I did it in the first place. Bad impressions are so annoying. Meh x2!

Ok enough rambling. I know I'm bad about it. Just wanted to let everyone know what was up!

It just helps to talk

2010-01-30T04:04:00.000-05:00

Tonight I had a nice, long talk with a very close friend. It was nice to talk to another woman in a way that only two women can, even if said friend doesn't know that I identify as a female. She and I have just always had that kind of rapport. She's always been very much like a sister too me and very open with me and aside from struggle with my gender identity I've been very open with her.
Sadly though, due to schedule conflicts and life and general we haven't had a chance to really sit and talk to one another in that way and we got a chance to do so this evening. It was very nice and made me realize how much I missed having people around me to open up to. How much I need that and of course how much I utterly lack it most of the time.
Because of some very bad experiences in the past, I've become a very guarded person. Despite longing to have people close to me to talk to and be honest with I am very wary of doing so. Being hurt one too many times for wearing my heart on my sleeve I started being secretive and closed off from all but a rare few I trust with my life and my secrets.
Opening up a bit tonight made me realize how I'm finally starting recover from some very old, very deep wounds and wish I had more friends to trust in. Maybe if I did I'd finally come completely out about my gender identity and take risks such as dressing more femininely, being 100% myself and what not. While I endeavor to find that in my life, it is still nice to know that just talking helps so much.
So in the spirit of that I'll try to do so here more often because while it isn't as nice as having a face-to-face dialog, being able to open up here and be honest and be me without fear, guilt, etc., is something I really should do more often. Catharsis is nice. I need to experience it more often and in more varied forms.

No more being silent because it seems safe. Silence is a little death that should be avoided.

Things I Adore: Cheongsams / Qipaos

2010-01-27T20:54:00.014-05:00

To me there is not a sexier, more feminine piece of clothing than cheongsam or qipao. Maybe it is simply the way it hugs the body and accentuates curves so well or the very low cut / high slit look that is very revealing and sexy. Whatever it is about them, they just look so elegant and perfectly embody the beauty of the female form in my mind's eye.

It is a shame I own two of them and currently they're both too small for me (boo, hiss). That doesn't stop me from admiring them and picturing myself in one. Just thinking about it makes me shiver with excitement.

Royal Jelly

2010-01-27T16:11:00.001-05:00

Chrysalis

2010-01-27T01:59:00.002-05:00

Only Time Would Tell

2010-01-27T01:23:00.004-05:00

Slight redesign & new profile pic

2010-01-27T00:46:00.002-05:00

So I decided to change up the design of the site just a bit, since I didn't really care for that background image and finally found one I liked a bit better. I also removed some of the annoying transparencies around things I'd forgotten to take off before hand.

But most importantly I found a new profile pic that I am absolutely in love with (see the image to the left)! I don't know why but it just seems surreal, seductive and utterly gorgeous to me.

Pink by DaniieeLaaa

Things I Adore: Pink Hair

2010-01-20T18:29:00.010-05:00

I've always had an utter fascination with pink hair. It is just so incredibly feminine and sexy to me. How could it not be? I'd love to have long, pink hair some day. I bet it'd help me look far more girly. So very tempting to dye it since I'm between jobs and usually work from home anyway. Hmmm...

Anyone else out there as in love with pink hair as I am?

It has been a rough couple of weeks

2010-01-20T16:40:00.002-05:00

Sorry for the long delay in any new captions. Unfortunately this time of year always manages to put me in a pretty bad state of depression. Which has only been made worse by the fact that I'm unemployed currently and unsure how long it'll take me to find another job.
Don't worry though, I'm lucky enough to have people close to me who are helping me work through it. I recently came out to one of them about begin transgendered he has been incredibly supportive and comforting given that he went through the same when he realized he was gay a few years back.
Having someone else I can open up to has helped a lot. Anyway I hope you all like the new captions. I should have some more done by the end of the week.

Black Arts

2010-01-20T16:32:00.003-05:00

Pure White

2010-01-20T16:29:00.004-05:00

Using It All

2010-01-20T16:28:00.007-05:00

Twice As Much

2009-12-15T23:42:00.005-05:00

Becoming a Believer

2009-12-15T22:35:00.009-05:00

I'd tend to agree...

2009-12-15T12:32:00.004-05:00

Stumbled across this and thought it was worth sharing.

If only I looked *half* that good, maybe I wouldn't think so much about my outward gender appearance...

Oh and in case anyone doesn't know, that is the stunningly beautiful Bailey Jay in that photo.

From Minnie to Mickey (and all they did was turn off a gene)

2009-12-14T11:58:00.002-05:00

"The battle of the sexes is a never-ending war waged within ourselves as male and female elements of our own bodies continually fight each other for supremacy. This is the astonishing implication of a pioneering study showing that it is possible to flick a genetic switch that turns female ovary cells into male testicular tissue."

Read the whole article.

I'm very hopefully about what kind of breakthroughs this might lead to one day. While I want to remain realistic, the optimistic dreamer in me sees and article like this and starts picturing something like the drug Reboot from the Neil Gaiman short story Changes.

Daddy's Girl

2009-12-14T11:57:00.008-05:00

I just couldn't resist doing this one when I found the image a while back. Maybe it just me, but it just seems to scream 'caption me!'

Of course, I've thought that of several photos of Bianca Beauchamp. She just tends to wind up with some great looks and great poses that just beg to be captioned.

Some very old captions

2009-12-14T11:56:00.003-05:00

A few people who've been around in the captioning community for a while may remember I have a smartgroup called 'Emberwilde Fantasies' where I had several galleries of captioned images. Luckily, I managed to hold on to most of those and put them up in this gallery for people to check out to get a feel for my older work.

Sadly my oldest captions, stuff I originally had hosted on Robo's World and the like, were all lost years ago when the hard drive I had all that saved on crashed and couldn't be recovered. I'd love to track some of those down if at all possible, not that I'm holding out a lot of hope. If anyone has some of those old captions please let me know. Maybe I can offer an exchange of a new caption here on the site for each old one that makes it back my way. ;)

Also if people would like, I can always post some of the older work here as well rather than just leaving it all up in the filefap gallery. Maybe I could make a habit of spotlighting some of my old work. Hmm, that might be a fun idea.

An introductory tale, of sorts

2009-12-14T11:54:00.001-05:00

So I'll begin this as I'm want to do, by avoiding directly talking to much about myself. Instead I'll share a little story with you all.

Once upon a time there was a young boy who was just learning he was never meant to be a boy at all. Confused and feeling alone, the boy went looking for others like himself in a place people once called The Web. On The Web he found many who felt and dreamt as he did about being who they knew they truly were. Feeling a sense of belonging, this boy let go of who he had been and became a living fantasy called Emberwilde; who readily began to share her fantasies and desires with those like her.

For a time this made her very happy and things were well, but alas nothing lasts forever and Emberwilde began to doubt herself and her world. So to clear her head she traveled away from The Web to a stranger place all together, a place called Real Life and there she became lost and in a way forgot, or at least denied, who she was. Hoping that maybe who she was in Real Life was who she had to be, not who she wanted to be.

So it was that others on The Web mostly forgot about her, as things change so quickly there, and Emberwilde lived on living life in a very empty sense. Only ever glancing back to the world she left on occasion and trying not to long for it. She grew very different form who she had been, but an small ember of her, appropriately enough, burned on inside her. That ember she hid from the people of Real Life for fear of what they'd do with it; for fear they'd snuff it out all together.

Then one day like any other, a beautiful muse found Emberwilde in Real Life and began to sing to her and tell her stories and the ember grew brighter and the muse took notice of it's glow. The muse coerced Emberwilde to let the dying ember grow for it was the fire of her soul and let its light shine for others to see. More and more did Emberwilde try to do so, and as the light grew she found a path back to The Web she had forgotten, and chose to follow it and reclaim the world she had so misguided left behind.

Which, of course, brings us to the here and now...