April 21, 2010

Boxes boxes everywhere...

...and not a one of them full of spare time, sadly.

As some of you may recall I'm moving to Atlanta at the end of the month and between work and preparing to move my free time has all but vanished. That's why I haven't done much captioning of late Hopefully once I get moved and settled in at my new place I'll be able to get things back to normal around here.

While I'm very excited about the move it also has me pretty nervous.

Reasons to be excited: living somewhere new, living just a few miles from my girlfriend, getting away from the baggage I have of still living in the town I was born in, making new friends, being able to live more openly as a transsexual.

Reasons to be nervous: money still being tight, living in a big city when I've lived in a very small town my whole life, opening up to new people about my gender-identity issues.

Part of me really wants to make this a chance for  fresh start in my real life. A chance to come out about who and what I am and be able to dress as the woman I am if I want. Where I currently live, a small super-religious town in the South, doing so is far more difficult. I've had to be very careful about going out en femme because it is one of those towns where everyone knows everyone else and given that my very close-minded family lives here I didn't want it getting back to them and making my life more difficult.

Being in much larger city where I can put many of those concerns behind me is very liberating but intimidating as well. Given the choice to dress and act the way I want, will I do so or will I continue to hide? It makes me wonder why I've not pushed myself to move sooner, why I let myself hide rather than just being me and saying to hell with anyone who can't accept that, etc.

Not really what I want on my mind while a thousand other things are racing through there in a desperate attempt to get everything in order to be moved in just over a week. I'm sure I'll sort through it all and I think, given the positive encouragement I get here (thankyousomuch!) and from those closest to me in real life I'm sure I'll come out of the shell I'm still half curled up inside and my life will be all the better for it.

For now though back to frantic packing and making it through the next few days.

April 16, 2010

Playing With Power