January 30, 2010

It just helps to talk

Tonight I had a nice, long talk with a very close friend. It was nice to talk to another woman in a way that only two women can, even if said friend doesn't know that I identify as a female. She and I have just always had that kind of rapport. She's always been very much like a sister too me and very open with me and aside from struggle with my gender identity I've been very open with her.
Sadly though, due to schedule conflicts and life and general we haven't had a chance to really sit and talk to one another in that way and we got a chance to do so this evening. It was very nice and made me realize how much I missed having people around me to open up to. How much I need that and of course how much I utterly lack it most of the time.
Because of some very bad experiences in the past, I've become a very guarded person. Despite longing to have people close to me to talk to and be honest with I am very wary of doing so. Being hurt one too many times for wearing my heart on my sleeve I started being secretive and closed off from all but a rare few I trust with my life and my secrets.
Opening up a bit tonight made me realize how I'm finally starting recover from some very old, very deep wounds and wish I had more friends to trust in. Maybe if I did I'd finally come completely out about my gender identity and take risks such as dressing more femininely, being 100% myself and what not. While I endeavor to find that in my life, it is still nice to know that just talking helps so much.
So in the spirit of that I'll try to do so here more often because while it isn't as nice as having a face-to-face dialog, being able to open up here and be honest and be me without fear, guilt, etc., is something I really should do more often. Catharsis is nice. I need to experience it more often and in more varied forms.

No more being silent because it seems safe. Silence is a little death that should be avoided.

January 27, 2010

Things I Adore: Cheongsams / Qipaos

To me there is not a sexier, more feminine piece of clothing than cheongsam or qipao. Maybe it is simply the way it hugs the body and accentuates curves so well or the very low cut / high slit look that is very revealing and sexy. Whatever it is about them, they just look so elegant and perfectly embody the beauty of the female form in my mind's eye.

It is a shame I own two of them and currently they're both too small for me (boo, hiss). That doesn't stop me from admiring them and picturing myself in one. Just thinking about it makes me shiver with excitement.

Royal Jelly


Only Time Would Tell

Slight redesign & new profile pic

So I decided to change up the design of the site just a bit, since I didn't really care for that background image and finally found one I liked a bit better. I also removed some of the annoying transparencies around things I'd forgotten to take off before hand.

But most importantly I found a new profile pic that I am absolutely in love with (see the image to the left)! I don't know why but it just seems surreal, seductive and utterly gorgeous to me. 

Pink by DaniieeLaaa

January 20, 2010

Things I Adore: Pink Hair


I've always had an utter fascination with pink hair. It is just so incredibly feminine and sexy to me. How could it not be? I'd love to have long, pink hair some day. I bet it'd help me look far more girly. So very tempting to dye it since I'm between jobs and usually work from home anyway. Hmmm...

Anyone else out there as in love with pink hair as I am?

It has been a rough couple of weeks

Sorry for the long delay in any new captions. Unfortunately this time of year always manages to put me in a pretty bad state of depression. Which has only been made worse by the fact that I'm unemployed currently and unsure how long it'll take me to find another job.
Don't worry though, I'm lucky enough to have people close to me who are helping me work through it. I recently came out to one of them about begin transgendered he has been incredibly supportive and comforting given that he went through the same when he realized he was gay a few years back.
Having someone else I can open up to has helped a lot. Anyway I hope you all like the new captions. I should have some more done by the end of the week.

Black Arts

Pure White

Using It All