Sorry for the lack of captions of updates of any sort. Life hasn't really let me be in a creative mood the last few weeks, what with worries about money and and other personal matters. I had hoped moving would have made my life a bit easier but really all it did was give me a new set of complications and troubles to deal with that really aren't making anything any easier.
As such I've just felt kind of drained and not up to writing. It is just hard sometimes because I feel like I want to express myself and my thoughts and just nothing happens. Like turning on a faucet with no water running to it. It isn't really writer's block but something like it I guess. I have plenty of ideas, stories, so forth, just no motivation to actually do anything with them.
Anyway just thought I should let everyone know what's up and that I'll try to clear my head soon and put something else up here even if it is just my rambling about my feelings and my life for a bit until I feel like doing more.
July 20, 2010
June 30, 2010
June 28, 2010
June 25, 2010
June 23, 2010
June 21, 2010
June 18, 2010
June 16, 2010
June 14, 2010
June 13, 2010
June 5, 2010
May 10, 2010
Adjusting
It is an odd adjustment living in a big city after spending my whole life living in a very small town where everyone knows one another. Here I feel more anonymous and not as self-conscious which is nice but kind of weird getting use to.
Hopefully that will make it easier for me to be open about who I am and not have to worry as much about the reactions I'll get and all that nonsense. I know that shouldn't bother me but it always has on some level. At least here I don't have to worry about the being out en femme and running into someone I know from childhood, high school, or worse of all a family member. Here no one really knows me and thus wouldn't care.
Now I guess it is all a matter of making myself comfortable with me and being me. That bit is tougher, but I'm working on it.
Enough about me. I go on about myself and my issues too much, or so I worry. I'll hopefully be back in the swing of thing by the end of this week which means new captions and less of my emo-ramblings.
April 21, 2010
Boxes boxes everywhere...
As some of you may recall I'm moving to Atlanta at the end of the month and between work and preparing to move my free time has all but vanished. That's why I haven't done much captioning of late Hopefully once I get moved and settled in at my new place I'll be able to get things back to normal around here.
While I'm very excited about the move it also has me pretty nervous.
Reasons to be excited: living somewhere new, living just a few miles from my girlfriend, getting away from the baggage I have of still living in the town I was born in, making new friends, being able to live more openly as a transsexual.
Reasons to be nervous: money still being tight, living in a big city when I've lived in a very small town my whole life, opening up to new people about my gender-identity issues.
Part of me really wants to make this a chance for fresh start in my real life. A chance to come out about who and what I am and be able to dress as the woman I am if I want. Where I currently live, a small super-religious town in the South, doing so is far more difficult. I've had to be very careful about going out en femme because it is one of those towns where everyone knows everyone else and given that my very close-minded family lives here I didn't want it getting back to them and making my life more difficult.
Being in much larger city where I can put many of those concerns behind me is very liberating but intimidating as well. Given the choice to dress and act the way I want, will I do so or will I continue to hide? It makes me wonder why I've not pushed myself to move sooner, why I let myself hide rather than just being me and saying to hell with anyone who can't accept that, etc.
Not really what I want on my mind while a thousand other things are racing through there in a desperate attempt to get everything in order to be moved in just over a week. I'm sure I'll sort through it all and I think, given the positive encouragement I get here (thankyousomuch!) and from those closest to me in real life I'm sure I'll come out of the shell I'm still half curled up inside and my life will be all the better for it.
For now though back to frantic packing and making it through the next few days.
April 16, 2010
March 30, 2010
Trying hard to believe this
I just wish it could be easier. That I didn't feel like who I am isn't who I want to be.
March 25, 2010
March 24, 2010
March 22, 2010
March 20, 2010
People I Adore: Chloe Vevrier
When I think voluptuous and sensual there is one name that always pops into my head: Chloe Vevrier. She is absolutely gorgeous to me and when I think about the kind of body I wish I had it hers is what I want to see. In my dreams and fantasies I've been her many times and every second of it was heavenly. Her ample breasts, her sexy curves, that is what I want. If I had one wish right now it would be to have a body like hers and that is why I adore her.
March 19, 2010
Worth a Thousand Words: Silhouette
how beautiful and powerful she truly is without needing to see any
more.
To have that is something I crave desperately. To look into a mirror and see the shape of me and know I am what I want to be.
Image found via thislifeofhers.
Things I Adore: Shaved Legs
I took the time to do mine for the first time in a while today and it just feels so sexy and feminine to have smooth, silky legs even if I know it won't last too terribly long.
What I'd give to have no pesky body hair to deal with; to be hairless and smooth all the time. It is something I'd give practically anything for.
March 17, 2010
March 15, 2010
March 13, 2010
Making up for last month
So hopefully the flood of posts today kind of makes up for my not posting any captions for over a month. ;)
As I was working on these today I thought it might be a good idea for me to set a goal to try and do at least one caption a week. I think sticking to that wouldn't be hard and would help remind me to update this site more often. Just something I'm kicking around and will likely try to make myself do.
By the way, if you like the captions I'm doing people leave some comments! I love getting comments and feedback and seeing what people have to say about my captions. It lets me know that people enjoy them and what kind of stuff they enjoy that way I can do more captions in that style.
As I was working on these today I thought it might be a good idea for me to set a goal to try and do at least one caption a week. I think sticking to that wouldn't be hard and would help remind me to update this site more often. Just something I'm kicking around and will likely try to make myself do.
By the way, if you like the captions I'm doing people leave some comments! I love getting comments and feedback and seeing what people have to say about my captions. It lets me know that people enjoy them and what kind of stuff they enjoy that way I can do more captions in that style.
March 10, 2010
People I Adore: Ella
I'm utterly mad for everything in this video.
It has one of my absolute favorite songs ever ('Born a Girl' by the Manic Street Preachers), it has an Alice in Wonderland-style dress (Pretty!), and it has EllaUK in it who is completely gorgeous. I mean honestly, I would kill to look half as good as she does. I don't think I've ever looked so lovely en femme despite always wishing I could.
I swear I pretty much fell in love with Ella when I saw this video for the first time. If you don't know her, take a moment to check out her blog. She's an awesome girl and I *heart* her. Much love for Ella. :)
I didn't vanish forever! Honest!
Sorry I haven't posted anything new in a few weeks but it has been a crazy month or so. Work was getting scarcer, money was getting tight, I went through a bad Valentines, a really bad twenty-*coughcough*-th birthday, started getting really depressed, and then found out I may be forced to move soon. Just seemed like it was one thing after another. Meh!
Things are finally getting semi-stable again (for the most part) and I feel a bit better lately than I have. No worries I'll get it all sorted out. My life tends to be a complete whirlwind lately and I'm getting use to riding it out.
I feel so bad that I got this far behind but I promise I'll try to start making it up this week as I should have a bit of free time to work on some new captions. I also just want to post here more regularly in general to vent a lot of things that go through my mind. Such as seriously considering HRT and living more openly as the woman I am inside.
Anyway, my apologizes to any fans of my work. I promise I won't up and vanish again seemingly forever (I totally swear!). I know it seems silly but I worry people write me off because of it, not that I think most people even remember that I did it in the first place. Bad impressions are so annoying. Meh x2!
Ok enough rambling. I know I'm bad about it. Just wanted to let everyone know what was up!
January 30, 2010
It just helps to talk
Sadly though, due to schedule conflicts and life and general we haven't had a chance to really sit and talk to one another in that way and we got a chance to do so this evening. It was very nice and made me realize how much I missed having people around me to open up to. How much I need that and of course how much I utterly lack it most of the time.
Because of some very bad experiences in the past, I've become a very guarded person. Despite longing to have people close to me to talk to and be honest with I am very wary of doing so. Being hurt one too many times for wearing my heart on my sleeve I started being secretive and closed off from all but a rare few I trust with my life and my secrets.
Opening up a bit tonight made me realize how I'm finally starting recover from some very old, very deep wounds and wish I had more friends to trust in. Maybe if I did I'd finally come completely out about my gender identity and take risks such as dressing more femininely, being 100% myself and what not. While I endeavor to find that in my life, it is still nice to know that just talking helps so much.
So in the spirit of that I'll try to do so here more often because while it isn't as nice as having a face-to-face dialog, being able to open up here and be honest and be me without fear, guilt, etc., is something I really should do more often. Catharsis is nice. I need to experience it more often and in more varied forms.
No more being silent because it seems safe. Silence is a little death that should be avoided.
January 27, 2010
Things I Adore: Cheongsams / Qipaos
To me there is not a sexier, more feminine piece of clothing than cheongsam or qipao. Maybe it is simply the way it hugs the body and accentuates curves so well or the very low cut / high slit look that is very revealing and sexy. Whatever it is about them, they just look so elegant and perfectly embody the beauty of the female form in my mind's eye.
It is a shame I own two of them and currently they're both too small for me (boo, hiss). That doesn't stop me from admiring them and picturing myself in one. Just thinking about it makes me shiver with excitement.
Slight redesign & new profile pic
But most importantly I found a new profile pic that I am absolutely in love with (see the image to the left)! I don't know why but it just seems surreal, seductive and utterly gorgeous to me.
Pink by DaniieeLaaa
January 20, 2010
Things I Adore: Pink Hair
I've always had an utter fascination with pink hair. It is just so incredibly feminine and sexy to me. How could it not be? I'd love to have long, pink hair some day. I bet it'd help me look far more girly. So very tempting to dye it since I'm between jobs and usually work from home anyway. Hmmm...
Anyone else out there as in love with pink hair as I am?
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